What Do I Look Like, Angelina Jolie?

hazel and i recently went to the OB for a routine check up and hazel kept everyone entertained for the entirety of the experience…

first i had to down the orange stuff for the glucose test since i am of “advanced maternal age”, at which hazel automatically chimed in “what are you drinking? is that juice? where did you get the juice?” as she starts walking amongst the other ladies getting worked up by the nurses and starting a riot… “did you get juice?”

from there i had to go ahead and do my urine sample and trying to explain why you would be catching your pee in a cup to a three year old is just not recommended by two out of three doctors. as i explain what i’m about to do she says (and may i remind you that her inside voice is similar to mary murphy’s voice from “so you think you can dance”), “great! i’ll help out mommy:) i’ll hold the cup to catch your pee pee in it!” i declined politely but firmly and then she had to go potty and you can just guess where that went. we all came out proudly displaying our pee cups.

we headed over to the scale, and as i stepped on hazel said, “lemme check this out here mommy… whoa!!!” which was the bit that won her the greatest fandom. she took a bow and we headed back to the room to get checked out by the doc. here we read books brought from home and colored the coloring book we had stuffed into her backpack on the way out. she also pretended to be the doctor, where every single time my prognosis was the same: “mommy, what you need is a hot shepherds pie. i’ll go make one for you!” when the actual doctor came in, we had a nice chat and she found the baby’s heartbeat so that hazel and i could listen. while she was searching for it i explained to hazel that just like when you lean on someone’s chest and hear their heartbeat, we are going to lean this instrument on mommy’s belly to hear the baby’s. the sound came on and we looked towards hazel like she was the star of her own hallmark movie and she said, “ok i am all done with that noise thanks.”

we left the doctors office to get blood drawn, and when the lady tied the thing around my arm hazel didn’t waste any time, “excuse me, but that seems a little bit tight!” the lady explained she was going to get some of mommy’s blood to test and make sure mommy and baby would be healthy. that’s when things got real…

“WHY ARE YOU TAKING MOMMY”S BLOOD?!?!” at this point women are either laughing or grabbing their purses and heading for the door, but the lady taking blood didn’t miss a beat she distracted her till it was done and then took the vial of blood and showed hazel saying, “see, just a little bit so i can do my test. your mommy gets a band aid and we are all done.” hazel had been spending the entire day saying she was going to be a doctor. we checked out every willing member in the waiting room, triage area and beyond (all of whom had a hot shepherds pie deficiency) and yet with that quick view of the vial of blood she turned to me very seriously and said, “all done being a doctor mom. let’s go home!”

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2 Responses to What Do I Look Like, Angelina Jolie?

  1. Kimberly Jones says:

    RI-OT!!!
    Just so you know, I have a hot shepherd’s pie deficiency, as well, so whenever Hazel “Pazel” (Lincoln’s name for her) wants to come to our little kitchen and make one for me, I would be oh so appreciative!

  2. Michele says:

    Laughing and laughing and laughing. Miss you, friend!

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