Girls…Part 2

“i’m so glad i don’t have girls!”

my temptation here is to say “me tooooooo” really loudly and walk away, but for the sake of discussion, let’s dive into the other big reason given in explanation for this comment:

“they are so emotional and needy and i just don’t think i’d do very well with that.”

first off i’d like to freeze the movie reel and point out that you are talking to a grown-up girl. we are not delineated into male, female and “thank-God-she-grew-out-of-those-emotions” ladies. by discounting females as being “too much” you cause inherent shame to fall on them. you tell them that it is not okay to be who they were created to be and you ask them, through your accusation, to become a more composed, less affected version of ourselves. do not do this to small or grown women! i am fairly confident that i have the two most sensitive and emotional girls ever made, but if i am going to look at my daughters and delight in their fancy dance when they get to wear a dress with sparkles or their shouts of victory when they find the best leaf ever on the scavenger hunt, then i cannot simultaneously ask them to tone it down when their feelings are vocally and publicly hurt. you get both sides of the coin and if we can’t sit with our daughters and delight in both who they are and who they are becoming, then prepare for much deeper battles ahead.

but my first question is “for whom”? they are too emotional/needy for whom? i know that there are ladies out there who could coach the olympic team on drama, but if we take out the outliers and really deal with this implication that there is something wrong with women we see that the standard then becomes… wait for it… a man. now i love and appreciate men. i have had the distinct honor and privilege of growing up with, working with and marrying men of honor who sincerely seek to live life beautifully loving, serving and hoping that their one life will be spent for the good that love might win. but this argument that we are too much only makes sense if those who are not too much (men and those who seek to be identified with them because of their breezy non-emotional nature) are the standard to shoot for. but, and this is one of those big buts, if this were the case then there would be no need to create the woman. God could have brushed the dust off his hands from creating adam and called him very good. but he didn’t. he saw fit to perform surgery and remove a rib fresh out of the creation oven to make woman. he called them very good when they were together living in harmony.

i know that there are two sides of this coin (i’ve seen the bachelor) but my point is that there is such good to be had and so incredibly much to be gained from the soft heart and raw emotion that we ladies bring to the table that i do not see sacrificing the good for what in all honesty we could label as inconvenient. this comment that girls are too emotional/needy says as much about the person saying it as it does about the subject at hand. there is a lack of desire on the speaker’s part to deal with the side of the coin that always asks what that was supposed to mean or that needs a hug, a long conversation, and someone to sit with them a bit so they are not alone in their sorrow. it takes time, i get it. it takes patience which in this day and age is running in crazy short supply. it takes compassion, that even though these feelings may not be expressed in the most attractive version, that they are asking for help, company, and when at all possible, understanding. ENGAGE. instead of discounting what seems too much, dig and find the treasure held within the tantrum. there is a beauty and a richness that your life will never recover from should you let these girls be what they were made to be.

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6 Responses to Girls…Part 2

  1. Liz says:

    Thank you for writing this! I once heard someone say that women/girls are often made to think that they are simultaneously too much and not enough. Thanks for shedding light on this issue.

  2. Veronica Greear says:

    LOVE THIS. I think there are a lot of good God-fearing men in particular who are blindly/unknowingly disdainful of “how women are” and they live in a sort of constant state of defense around the women in their life, which then creates unnecessary “drama” ironically. And with 3 girls and the baby being a boy, I CANNOT STAND IT when someone says in front of my kids that I “finally got that boy you were trying for.” As if I was disappointed in my second and third girls, and had i been able to, would have just assumed left them off and gone straight to the boy child. Uh, NO. Not at ALL the case. And now I have to try and assure them of that and explain it to them. Bleh. Thanks for taking this on!!

  3. Well said, Christin! This needs to be a huffington post piece! I wish everyone could read it! In a related vein, my son NOT my daughter is the one who is very emotional and sensitive. It can certainly be frustrating and challenging at times but I would never in a million years trade his personality for “easy-breezy”. He tells us he loves us 10x a day, is thoughtful and can communicate his feelings better than most adults. The pure joy he exudes when happy affects everyone around him. My fear is that society/culture will tell him that it’s not ok to be this way because he is a boy. That he needs to stifle his feelings and intuitions and tears and exuberance. So far at age 5 he is 100% proud to be who he is and I just pray that as he grows up he stays that way!

  4. sillywhitney says:

    “He called them very good when they were together living in harmony.” This part.

    And the rest of the post too. Loving it.

  5. I have a similar internal fire that lights when people say “boys are easy”. Nothing is easy, not boys, not girls. Parenting another human is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I think I was given boys because they are what I needed and I am what they needed. Same with you and your girls. I think your point about living together in HARMONY being very good is so key. I want to teach respect as much as I need to demand it. I also think people just think what they have is easier because it’s what is familiar.

  6. These are great posts. I am a mother of a girl and a boy and I see the joys and challenges of both every day. A big problem I have with saying girls are too emotional and needy as that it completely outcasts the boys who are emotional and needy (though I hate that word ‘needy’ for any gender). I have a sensitive boy and there is nothing wrong with him. He is not less of a boy because of it. I’m not worried about him being gay, though it would be fine if he is. People are people and kids are kids. Trying to fit them into this category or that is useless and harmful, in my opinion.

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