2014 i salute you.
i have planned out the healthy meals we are going to eat, worked out 7 times and have just slipped into my pre-pregnancy jeans. BWAHAHAHA.
okay, but i have already cleaned up vomit, picked up the remains of a poopy diaper I placed outside to go to the trash that some animal (going to give our own dog the benefit of the doubt here) relabeled as dinner and realized that i can give those jeans i spoke of earlier away because i can no longer fit my hips in them. seriously, take away all of the flesh and other nonsense in that area and the bones in and of themselves spread wider than those bad boys.
i am shooting for three things this year.
1) my only consistent prayer over this past decade has been that i would be a woman with a grateful heart. i am going to notice the beauty in the blessings big and small and i am going to do my darndest to embrace life in all of its splendor. i am going to cry that big old ugly cry when things become painful. i’ll let my nose run and do that weird shaky thing with my shoulders because i’ve been created to feel and on this side of the pearly gates that includes both pain as well as overwhelming joy. i believe that the one who holds me is big enough to carry me through both. i am going to dance y’all. for realz. i am going to feel the joy right down to my tippy toes and i am going to get up out of my seat and dance. may pick up a kid and swing them around or laugh out loud and twirl. I’m unpredictable stay tuned. but i will be thankful in the hard moments and the beautiful ones because God’s fingerprints are on me through both, and even when i can’t see him in the circumstance i hope and pray i will start to see him in me.
2) i’m going to uncover the passions. i love music. right down to the core of who i am i love it and my girls don’t even know that i can play the guitar. i’m going to break it out and sing songs we love and make up songs that tell the stories of our lives. this house will be full of the sweet sound of music. i have been passionate since i was 20 about photography. took classes in college and carried my pentax k1000 around with me like we were going steady, but somewhere along the line i thought i forgot how to capture the image and i stopped clicking the button altogether. I’m going to look like a tourist people. buy me some bermuda shorts and get me some tevas to wear with my socks.
3) i am going to be unapologetic about my limitations. look, i’ve got three kids to keep alive and on top of that to teach them in the way they should go. i’ve got heart-molding and brain-growing going on up in this piece. if you ask me to be something or someone you believe i can be if i would only apply myself then know this… i am applying the heck out of myself 24 hrs a day. i am laboring to love this family well and that is my first joy and responsibility. somewhere along the road i became a pastor’s wife. i married a musician and then fast forward 8 years and boom! people expect me to cook a mean turkey, lead a small group, and help someone who is suffering hard core all at the same time. the greatest gift i can give my community is to love my hubs well so he can labor to love you well. i can’t love him well if my home is straight-up chaos because of the things i should be a part of. so i’m going to be a part of a lot, but i am going to not be a part of even more. that is okay for this sweet season where i get to be the one to read books, tuck in, wipe noses and pick up a kid trying not to cry in front of the person who humiliated them in the carpool line. this is my joy and this is my privilege. i will not miss it.
so there i am and here you are. let’s laugh till the milk shoots out our nose and cry till the tears run dry. let’s walk this road together because it is a hard one, but a beautiful one and heck safety in numbers right:)