last night as i went to tuck in the third and final cherub for the evening she said…
“mom i’m worried about something and this is not a joke…
i am worried i am getting too big.”
i smiled and told her that she was growing up beautifully and that daddy and i were proud of who she is and who we see her becoming. that’s when i saw the tears roll so i simply said, “could you tell me a little bit about what’s worrying you?”
she went on to say that she was worried that she was getting too big to play some of the old games we play, like when we all act out rapunzel and as she began to speak she really started to cry. she went on to say that the time we went to gigi’s cupcakes and got the princess cupcake was really special to her but she was afraid she was too old to get that cupcake with the sparkly crown anymore.
i smiled, held my sweet girl, and explained that most everybody has a hard time going from one season to the next and that sometimes change feels a bit scary at first. i told her i understood that even though there is much to look forward to about the season that has been ushered in, it doesn’t make you miss the season that’s closing any less. and then i smiled big and said, you know what though…
you and me, kid, we are something called fun-loving and what that means is that we know we are free to enjoy these things no matter what our age. i told her we could get that glittery cupcake and play rapunzel when we felt like it and we didn’t have to when we didn’t feel like it. i asked her how old i was and she started to giggle because she realized that that crazy lady belting out the frozen soundtrack and playing air guitar at the dance parties is her momma. her old, tired, sometimes cray cray but FUN-LOVING momma.
i think the greatest gift you can give someone is to sit with them right where they are and be there. so i pulled it together and told her how much i love her and that no matter how big she got she would always be our little girl and i thanked her for making me a mommy. i held her tight so she would know that no matter how big she gets i will always be there to walk with her and to talk with her about what she feels about each stage, both the ones we see in the rearview mirror and the ones that are sprawled out before us to run towards.
and then i went downstairs and cried with matt.
there are moments in parenthood where you strap on the wisdom and strength till right after you close the door, and then you hold each other and look at old pictures and video because homegirl is right. she is growing up way to fast:)