Leave The Books

it’s an interesting thing about getting wounded. it makes you scared. it makes you fearful that you would put yourself in the line of fire again to become once again an identifier with that old friend pain.

it’s hard to just cut her off cold turkey because she has taught us some things and there has been great beauty that has emerged from great pain, but overall if i get to choose a bestie to walk this road with i am not choosing that homegirl. she is rude. she has terrible timing and let’s be honest: sugar does not know social cues and always overstays her welcome.

but here’s something else i’ve learned about pain. she makes me humble. she is like the bully in the hallway that comes up to you and flat out slaps the books in your hands so they all fall to the ground. when she is around i drop all the plates i was trying to show the world i could spin and i don’t even run in embarrassment. i just sit in the hallway and cry. she makes it hard to hide where i am and play the game.

here’s where you come in. i am sitting ungracefully in a teary snotty pile of ouch in the middle of the hallway and my books are all around me. when you see me in the hallway do me a favor… do not pick up my books. pick up me. i have dropped the plates, but the plates are not what i was created to exude. help me find that beauty that is knit deep within me. do not pick up my plates and help me turn them once again, but see my soul and reach out. even though it may be awkward and unfamiliar and scary, pick me up and brush of my wounds. take me to a place of safety where there is truth in love. help me see what made me fall and then graciously, tenderly and lovingly help me walk until i remember how to put one foot in front of the other again. leave the books, fight for my heart.

as women and let me tell you if you do not know me well that i am a BIG fan of women. we are strong. we are beautiful. we are capable of great love and drawn to such depth that at times i am overwhelmed with wonder at how good God made women. honestly, no joke, if you cannot see the sheer majestic abiding awesomeness that is woman i do not have anger towards you but pity. you are missing out on what God made right before he dubbed creation “very good”. i stand with you today and ask that you point that beauty out. point it out in each other. take your flashlights and uncover the beauty intricately laced within and covering each one of us.

IMG_4354when my beautiful daughters come up to me and say “LOOK” and they do their signature sassy spin so i can take them in in all of their glory you know what i do? i stop what i am doing and i marvel at their beauty. not the ripped-up, stained, discount princess dress they are displaying, but their heart. i tell them how they are marvelous. how they were created beautifully and how they love well. i tell them i am amazed at their brains and how they use them to create such magical stories and fabulous games for us to play. i tell them they run fast and that they use their capes for good and not for evil and i see their strength and am proud to be on their team. i speak to them about the beauty they cannot shed instead of the plates they will at some point drop. my love has nothing to do with the plates and everything to do with the beauty.

there are women who are in such seasons of blessing they are overwhelmed. they are reeling because they didn’t even think to ask for such blessing as they are walking through right now. and there are women who are hiding a festering wound because she believes in her heart of hearts that she should be able to keep all of the plates spinning all of the time without outside help or input. come alongside both, my friends, and point out the beauty within them.

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One Response to Leave The Books

  1. Kimberly says:

    Oh boy. This may be the best post yet, Christin – so very helpful and challenging. I am sorry for the times I have tried to pick up your plates instead of your heart. I look forward to a follow-up conversation… I love you, sister!

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