recently nora may kept slipping while trying to run around the corner, which was kind of weird because she has somewhat mastered the chubby-tummed sprint. after investigating it turns out she had gotten up from the potty seat, peed in the hallway, and returned to the potty seat. all of this while in the 7 seconds it took me to put something in the hamper. i had to run and catch the greased pig who had been sprinting and then falling into her own pee in order to plop her in the bathtub before the deep clean that awaited me.
after catching the fabulous sprinter she flailed like only a fresh toddler can until i set her down on a washable bath mat. while drawing the bath i told myself, “this happens.” “there are so many silly moments in motherhood tee hee”. it was then i turned around to see her crouching down and pushing out a dooz the size of a jumbo glue stick. i yell, “oh hooooraaaay let’s go poo poo on the potty”. i set her on the potty with the dangling dooz and she is freaked out but obliges, and then stands up in triumph.
i sing our fabulous family potty song (complete with claps and movements) and then point excitedly at her recent accomplishment while exclaiming “look you went potty hooraaaaay!” she looks at me as if i am her neighbor that she used to play with when i was her only option but now she had kind of arrived and i just showed up at the junior high dance by myself and ran over to give her a big hug. we share the awkward moment and then flush and wave bye bye to our fabulous new friend doozey doo.
as we are playing with all the rubber duckies in the tub the laughter began. you know the laughing where you kind of start crying because you are laughing so hard, and then you realize how tired you are and transition to only crying? that’s what happened. i wanted to go find one of those older women in target that tell me to constantly enjoy 110% of every minute with my kids because they pass by so quickly, and ask her where the manual was on delighting in the peeing on the floor/doozing on the bathmat combo.
in reality the biggest difference between the new mom me and the old mom me is that i spend less time considering the fairness and difficulty of the task ahead before jumping in and tackling what has presented itself. today it happened to be a your-house-is-a-port-a-john day and that’s okay. there are people dealing with much more in a far more graceful way. but the thought did occur to me that maybe since technology has come so far in so many areas we could revisit those strip thermometers from the 80’s that you just placed upon the forehead to get a reading, only this time instead of reading your temp it would read your day. that way if one of the ladies who wants me to savor every moment comes down my aisle she could read it on my forehead and see “kid used peed on hardwoods as slip-and-slide and dropped a poo on the floor while bath was being drawn” and kindly take her pearls of wisdom and string it on someone else’s necklace.