i just got home from a solid two hours at the pediatrician and feel like i learned a lot about life this morning.
today is the first day back at school and so, of course, nobody slept well, everyone’s something hurts, and we are all going to be unable to participate in the learning segment of this day but have already assembled the line-up of things we would like to stay home and watch. enter screaming baby who usually wakes up happy, and everyone freezes. she doesn’t usually wake up for another two hours so we see if she can sort through it and put herself back to sleep and the answer is most decidedly no. i go upstairs and she seems to be in pain and cannot deal with life. this continues for about 3 hours until i can drop my older kids off for school (sorry your made-up ailments take a back seat to this screaming terror), and i even dropped them off while already in the car pool line. that is, i got in line and then said “nope i’ve got to get her to the pediatrician get out and walk into the school from here.”
this morning “we” had a fight about who could look at a beginning readers book about Taylor Swift, we had a fight about a barrette with a plastic watermelon slice on it, we had a loud fight about who was being rude first and then boom! mommy had enough and i said loudly “come here and let me tell you how it is going to go this morning:”
– 1 part explanation of what a family is and what it shoots for: to love and build one another up and to walk each other towards health.
– 1 part explanation that every day you may wake up believing in your heart of hearts that you need the most attention that day, but you need to take a gander around this here domicile and see if in fact someone else may be in greater need that day.
– 1 part spoiler alert where i point out that nora may has been crying for two and a half hours and she is not feeling well and we all need to rally to get mommy in a bra and sister to the doctor.
it won’t make it into any chapter of any parenting book, but when i said i need to let you off here and let you walk the rest of the way, they realized we were all working as a team to get the family member struggling to walk towards health. and my kids who cannot have their schedule switched up easily or their sandwiches cut in different shapes gave me the nod and told me they could do it. well, not at first but eventually i saw that they got inside, after which i fled to the pediatrician. upon arriving, the amazing doctors that i have come to love and trust did everything they could to solve the mystery and we all came up short, but not before poking and prodding and trying to go pee-pee on the potty and ending up with a catheter and then drawing blood. we did in fact give it the old college try.
after i held my sweet baby girl’s arms down while a nurse held her legs and a different nurse did the catheter,with nora may screaming and crying, and i was singing and crying and the nurses both had to try because she was in so much pain, we did it: we got the pee pee. and after crying so hard she almost started choking, my little nugget said [sniff sniff, cough, deep breath]… “chocolate chip?”
you see, we are potty training and when she successfully goes on the potty she gets a chocolate chip. she knew she had gone potty (though not in the usual fashion) and even as she struggled and wept and survived this torture we call a doctor’s appointment she had the wisdom to try and seize the day and get that chocolate chip. i have decided that this will be my new code word. it’s going to be our little way of saying “we made it”.
so, 2016: i am not going to show you who’s boss. i am not going to do better than i’ve ever done. i am going to shoot to be more authentically myself than i ever have and to allow myself the grace to weep when it hurts and dance when it heals. i am going to show up, ante up, and live this life i’ve been blessed to have with the hope that i will be shaped in the process to love more deeply, hope more boldly, and cling to the joy that comes from knowing when i get to the other side…