Ante Up

it was just an email. it didn’t mean to make me reevaluate my entire life and the decisions before me. it was just meant to say “hey that year of this domain you paid for is up and we need another $13 to keep it going there missy”. but what i heard was something very different. img_2475

i heard “you don’t do enough with this website to make it worth it.” “you spend time and money on something that doesn’t seem to be making much of a difference for you or those popping in.” “wish you would’ve found that thing that your life was meant to be poured out for.”

let me go back… when i was little my dad had a plastic bucket that he threw his pennies in. it was deep and full of coppery goodness. this was not a bucket to be counted and sorted, placed in sleeves, and taken to the local hardware store. this was our poker money. he would pull out the bucket and the deck of cards and teach us the game and the adventure that is the game of family poker. each of us received a handful of pennies and we were told to ante up. i really cherished these sporadic times of togetherness and learning the art of the bluff. it took wisdom to assess both your hand and that of your opponent, how to calculate risk versus payoff and when to risk it all. but the lesson that was most applicable to normal life was the call to ante up.

in life we are good at calculating risk. we are good at assessing the hand we have been dealt and comparing it with the hand that those around us hold. but the part that seems to be the most elementary is that part i am struggling with here as i approach 40. can i throw in my initial penny to get a place at the table, having no knowledge of my chances or the chances of success for those around me? this year i am going to focus on throwing my penny in. of taking my seat at the tables that i want to participate in and saving my penny when it’s a table i don’t need to pull a chair up to.

as you may have guessed by the fact that you are reading anything at all i invested my whopping $13 to renew my claim on this domain name and have invested in a seat at the table. i have become increasingly aware in this past year that i love to teach, i love to write and that i love to walk the road with people and rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. so here’s my investment. where do you need to throw your penny in?

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4 Responses to Ante Up

  1. Yeah baby! Can’t wait to see what this year will bring.

  2. Anonymous says:

    ❤️ This!!!!

  3. Derrick says:

    Got the same email. thanks for helping me understand how it even hit me. and thanks for admitting that you know how to bluff.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Yep. Totally worth it. And I’d throw my penny in to ante up for you if you were ever hesitating…

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